​Surrogate partner therapy emerged from the groundbreaking work of researchers Masters and Johnson in the 1960s. They recognized that some clients needed not only traditional talk therapy but also guided, experiential learning to overcome intimate challenges. This innovative approach combines therapeutic wisdom with practical, consent-based experiences. I am fortunate in that my SPT training with Dr. Susan Kaye is in direct lineage with Masters and Johnson. Dr. Kaye was a surrogate partner therapist with Masters and Johnson in the 1980s.

 

Today, SPT follows the "triadic model" – a carefully structured collaboration between you, a licensed talk therapist, and a surrogate partner (that's me!). Think of it as having two complementary guides on your journey: your talk therapist helps you understand your patterns and process emotions, while I provide a space to practice new ways of being in relationship.

 

Where Talk Therapy Ends, Embodied Learning Begins​

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You know that moment in therapy when you understand everything intellectually, but your body hasn't quite caught up? That's where SPT comes in. While traditional therapy helps you understand your patterns (thank you, childhood trauma!), SPT helps you feel new possibilities in your body. Because understanding you "should" feel comfortable with intimacy is very different from actually feeling comfortable. Think of it as having a skilled teacher for intimacy skills – someone who can provide real-time feedback, guidance, and support.

 

In our sessions, you'll have the opportunity to:

• Understand your core desire, this is how we want to feel during sex (adored, loved, submissive, etc.)

• Experience what safety feels like in your body (yes, it exists!)

• Practice expressing boundaries (turns out "no" is a complete sentence)

• Differentiate between pleasure and outcome

• Build confidence through direct experience (awkward moments welcome!)

 

Surrogate Partner Therapy Addresses​

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Physical and Emotional Intimacy

In intimate settings, does touch or emotional closeness feel overwhelming or anxiety-provoking, making your nervous system go from zero to "nope" in 2.5 seconds? If yes, we'll work together to find your intimacy accelerators and brakes. We work together to build comfort through gradual intentional exercises helping your nervous system remember that connection can be safe.

 

Sexual Concerns 

Is anxiety your unwanted plus-one in intimate settings? Perhaps you're navigating vaginismus, experiencing discomfort during sex, or erections and ejaculation are unreliable friends. Perhaps orgasms feel elusive. Maybe you are rediscovering intimacy in a body that's experiencing a major change (post-partum, menopause, injury, disability, gender affirmation surgery). Bodies can be complex. Bodies aren't binary and neither are solutions. We'll work together to discover what pleasure and connection mean for your body and circumstances.

 

Trauma

What does it mean to live well in our wounds? Trauma can leave lasting imprints on how we experience connection. While we can’t rid the body of trauma, we can change how you engage with your wounds. Trauma doesn’t occur in isolation and therefore cannot be healed in isolation. SPT offers a structured, trauma-informed approach to rebuilding trust and comfort with physical connection. 

 

Understanding your triggers and how to manage them is key to reclaiming your body. You'll learn to recognize your authentic reactions: Is your smile genuine or polite? Does your body language match your words? Are you saying yes when you mean no?

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Confidence

When you imagine feeling truly confident in intimate situations, what does that look like for you? Maybe it's feeling at ease having conversations, expressing your needs, or being present in your body during physical connection.

 

Intimacy unfolds along a spectrum - from the subtle dance of conversation and flirtation, through the gradual exploration of physical closeness, to the deeper waters of sexual expression. We'll discover what feels authentic for you at each step: How do you want to feel when sharing vulnerable conversations? What helps you stay present during flirtatious moments? What allows your body to relax into touch? What creates safety and excitement as physical intimacy deepens? Understanding these personal truths helps you navigate relationships with confidence, whether you're sharing a coffee date or exploring sexual connection.

 

Confidence is the successful repetition of endeavors. Like learning any new skill - the more we practice in a supportive environment, the more natural it becomes. In surrogate partner therapy, we create a space for this kind of gradual, embodied learning. Confidence becomes part of your body's knowing. Each small success builds upon the last, until what once felt challenging starts to feel like second nature.

 

Dating

Does navigating dating apps feel like trying to speak a language you never learned? Or perhaps you're on the apps but not seeing the results you hoped for? SPT helps you develop fundamental dating skills while gaining a deeper understanding of your core desires. 

 

Together we'll explore how to set and communicate boundaries before, during, and after dates. We'll work on practical scenarios: How to gracefully end a vibe check or how to express interest without losing yourself in the process (i.e. people pleasing). You'll discover what a “yes” feels like in your body, helping you distinguish between anxiety butterflies and true attraction. Most importantly, you'll gain clarity about how you want to feel during each stage of connection. 

 

Is Surrogate Partner Therapy Right for You?

 

Take a moment to reflect on these questions:

•    Do you feel anxiety or discomfort around physical intimacy?

•    Has talk therapy helped you understand your challenges, but you're unsure of the next step?

•    Do you want an alternative to ghosting people after experiencing a trigger? 

•    Do you want to build confidence in intimate situations?

•    Do you want to be accepted, affirmed and received?

•    Are you ready to understand the brakes and accelerates of your desire?

•    Are you ready to collaborate with both a talk therapist and a surrogate partner to address these challenges?

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If you answered yes, to one or more of these questions, let's discuss surrogate partner therapy for you.

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Why Choose Surrogate Partner Therapy Over Relationship Coaching?

 

Surrogate partner therapy offers something different: a chance to actually experience what you're learning about. It's like the difference between reading about riding a bike and having someone hold the bike while you figure out the whole balance thing.

 

Therapeutic Framework and Support

Unlike sex and relationship coaching, surrogate partner therapy operates in a triadic model with a licensed therapist. While you will meet with both the therapist and surrogate separately, the providers will touch base about your progress. Together we offer comprehensive care for both the emotional and physical aspects of intimacy.

 

Professional Boundaries

SPT follows strict ethical guidelines and professional standards. The relationship has clear therapeutic goals and boundaries. Surrogate partner therapy is ideal for single individuals. I do not work with individuals who are coupled. However, I do work with couples. 

 

Sensate Focus

At the heart of surrogate partner therapy lies sensate focus, a technique pioneered by Masters and Johnson. This mindful approach to physical awareness helps you reconnect with your body's natural responses. The goal is to create positive experiences that your body remembers – building a foundation for genuine comfort and confidence in your everyday life.

 

All Bodies Welcome

 

Surrogate partner therapy is for every body regardless of size, age (21+), ability, gender identity, and sexual orientation. Whether you're straight, queer, bi, pan, trans, celibate, asexual, or questioning – you're welcome here. Your identity is valid. Your experiences are valid. Every body has a story. Let’s understand yours. ​

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Together we will:

• De-program the messages from dominate culture that harm us

• De-armor our protective shield

• De-shame our bodies (because living in this culture means we all carry shame)

• De-mystify our pleasure

• Reclaim our right to embodied joy

 

Your Body, Your Pace

 

Whether you've never had sex, had plenty of sex, or are somewhere in between you're exactly where you need to be. SPT is about discovering where your body is today, not where anyone else thinks it should be.

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This is especially true if:

• Your body's going through changes (hello postpartum, menopause, or injury)

• You're getting reacquainted with your body after trauma (your resilience is a gift)

• You're in a new-ish body (trans folks, I see you!)

• You're wondering if your body even "does" intimacy (spoiler: it does, in its own remarkable way

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​Remember: your body isn't broken – it's just speaking a language you haven't learned to understand yet. And that's exactly what we're here to explore, at whatever pace feels right for you.

 

How We Begin

 

Surrogate partner therapy is a collaborative process. If you have a current therapist, ask them if they are willing to work in the triadic model. I’m happy to consult with your therapist about working together. If you don’t have a therapist, I work with:

 

• Ani Williams of Body Psychology

• Brooke Becker

• Elene Drakonakis of Wild Garden Counseling

• Jessica Warner of Dove+Wolf

• Rebecca Kalomiris of Red Koala Counseling

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Take time to review the websites of these providers and take them up on an intro call. Once a therapist is on board we will devise a plan of care centered around your goals.

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How We Work Together

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While each plan of care is customized, here's what you can typically expect:

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Time Commitment

Weekly sessions with your SPT (me!) that begins at 1 hour and builds to 2 hours

Weekly sessions with your therapist

 

Session Rhythm

3 weeks of  SPT sessions

1 week off for processing and integration

This cycle repeats throughout our work together, generally 3 months

Weekly therapy sessions, even during SPT integration weeks

While SPT is done in person (a studio in South Austin), session with the therapist can be done virtually

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Why This Structure Works

This rhythm of engagement and integration allows you to practice new skills and awareness, process experiences with your therapist, integrate insights during off weeks and build sustainable, lasting change.

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Yes, this is an investment in your time. But you've tried other things and they haven't worked, right? This is a chance to create change in your body. Pricing discussed after initial consultation Sliding scale available for marginalized communities, AFAB (assigned female at birth) individuals and non-binary folks
 

From Relationship Lab to Life: Embodiment Revolution

 

The goal isn't just to feel good in our sessions – it's to create a bodily blueprint of positive experiences that you can take with you. Think of it as emotional and sensual muscle memory. Once your body knows what genuine comfort feels like, it becomes easier to recreate those feelings in your daily life. Remember: your body is the world's most sophisticated laboratory. We're just helping it run some new experiments!

 

If you're exploring surrogate partner therapy, you're taking a courageous step toward understanding and improving your intimate life.​

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Further reading:

Scenes From Surrogate Partner Therapy: Here

What is the difference between a sex coach and surrogate partner therapy?​​