Reality Show "Virgin Island" Review

A reality show about virginity and specifically “losing it” dropped last month and as a surrogate partner therapist, I have many thoughts about the show from concept to intimacy guidance provided to the participants. “Virgin Island” was produced by Channel 4, a UK based streaming platform. Since getting access to the show is tricky and will take effort (try using a VPN), fellow surrogate partner therapist, Janet Treviño, and I decided to record a blind reaction video to the show. Our goal in creating these videos is to help educate someone interested in surrogate partner therapy.

Janet & Miranda Review Virgin Island Show: What We Want You to Know as Surrogate Partners! Episode 1

If you've been following my work, you know I write about the messy, complex realities of intimacy. Often the slower more subtle shifts in intimacy, the kind that don't make for good TV drama.

While my watching of “Virgin Island” was done in this blind reaction video, before viewing I read a few articles on the show to understand the set up: 12 participants referred to as “virgins” ranging in age from 22-30 and 8 “sexperts” with titles ranging from sexological bodyworker, emotional intimacy coach, and surrogate partner therapist.

In reading press, what concerned me is that at the helm of the show are the founders of the Somatic Institute, a sex and relationship coaching certification program of which I have completed. Somatica does not offer surrogate partner therapy training, they do not work in the tradiac model with a talk therapist and what I witnessed in the year and a half long program was a reckless regard for people’s wellbeing. So, yes, my blind reaction isn’t unbiased. That said, I went into the viewing hopeful about how the two surrogate partner therapists would approach the work.

Our review of Virgin Island episode 1 is long. We have a lot to say! Check out the chapter breakdown and key moments listed in the video description to ease viewing. And I’ll explore my thoughts in writing as well.

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In my recent piece about Lainey's journey, PHD Worthy Intimacy, I wrote about how entering a bedroom triggered her fear of being gaslit and how that threshold became a moment of reckoning with past wounds. Real intimacy work honors these moments. It slows down. It validates the nervous system's wisdom when it says "wait."

“Virgin Island”? They're speed-running through touch exercises without the foundational safety that makes them healing rather than harmful. Check out my reaction to the "up against a wall" exercise at 17:09. The placement of the exercise was to “wet their appetite” and most likely to create a before/after story arc as in at the beginning of the two week program you struggled to watch as people did this exercise and now you look at you - you did the exercise yourself! (I haven’t watched all episodes yet so I can’t confirm this).

At 24:45 in our reaction, Janet and I break down why the absence of trauma-informed approaches isn't just unprofessional—it's dangerous. What we are not seeing on “Virgin Island” is what actually creates lasting change: the slow work of helping someone track their yes-to-no-to-yes-again without shame. The patient cultivation of embodied choice. The experience of “active touch” more than “passive touch.” The recognition that "losing virginity" is a patriarchal concept. Sex is not about a loss and gain. Sex is about your body, your pleasure, your embodiment. It’s for you to define not for you to lose.

As I shared in Lainey's story, real transformation happens when someone can say "My truth in this moment is..." and trust that their truth will be honored, even when it changes. It happens in the 6 minutes it takes to move from triggered to grounded, not in the manufactured drama of reality TV timelines.

I hope my discussion with Janet provides insight into the work of surrogate partner therapy, especially for those sexually inexperienced looking for professional intimacy coaching. It’s important to know what questions to ask a potential provider and how an authentic, ethical practice is cultivated.

For me, intimacy work is slow for a reason. Even for a weekend intensive, we move at the pace of your nervous system. I refer to Selfish Sexuality as an embodiment revolution because it is the slow learning to trust your own nervous system. For one of the participants on the show, the idea of touch can send her into a panic attack. Her body has recorded this panicked response out of safety and is trying to keep her safe. The work is not force touch on her but rather work slowly so she can understand what safety feels like in her body.

If “Virgin Island” has you curious about surrogate partner therapy or wondering what ethical intimacy coaching looks like, our reaction video offers a reality check. Not the kind that humiliates or exploits, but the kind that honors the sacred work of helping people come home to their bodies.

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In our reaction video, we break down:

Red flags in coaching methodologies (starting at 16:30)

Why gender dynamics and power imbalances matter (26:47)

Professional emotional regulation (51:51)

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We will be posted reaction videos to all 6 “Virgin Island” episodes on Janet’s YouTube channel. Use the comment section (here or on YouTube) to let me know what you want to hear more about. And if you're considering professional intimacy work, please do your research, beyond watching this show which might, in fact, turn you off from seeking care. Your healing deserves better than reality TV.